


Adagio

by BeeAnka



Series: Sing Me A Song Of Despair [6]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-02-04 02:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12761376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeeAnka/pseuds/BeeAnka
Summary: While Mukuro is trying to process the events of Friday, she gets an unexpected invitation.





	1. Uno

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo... I've written a tiny bit more than I was planning on. Hope no one minds!
> 
> This is too big to be posted on its own, so I'm putting it in two different chapters. I'm gonna post the second one right after the first one, unless AO3 screws me over in some unexpected way.
> 
> Have some more amazing (and depressing) fanart from my talented girlfriend: https://inacron.tumblr.com/post/167639415341

* * *

 

Although the events of today have drained her considerably, Mukuro forces herself to spend the rest of the day working out nonetheless. There's no point in laying around in her room doing nothing. Before going to the gym she usually runs a half a mile, but this time she feels it's a waste of time. She doesn't want to wait that long to get to it.

Oogami is in the gym as well, like most of the time, and the two greet each other like always. Apart from what she said to Mukuro during Physical Education earlier, they have never spoken besides a short greeting.

Mukuro isn't planning on starting now, especially not in her current state. Before starting though...

She takes out her phone. Having neglected to write something to Sayaka so far despite the fact that she should have, she types out a curt text.

 **Mukuro:** Thank you again for your time today. I'm sorry we couldn't go to the mall. Junko-chan was looking forward to it too. I hope you have a nice day.

The message feels awkward and lacking, but at least she has written something. If Junko prefers her to be Sayaka's friend, she will play her role as long as it is necessary. She puts the phone into her bag.

After a quick warm-up and some stretching, she throws herself into her workout. She hasn't been neglecting it since entering school, she knows that from a rational perspective, but right now it feels like she has. Gritting her teeth, she does her first set of push-ups and pull-ups faster than necessary.

Performing a side bridge is a good opportunity to catch her breath afterwards, but the urge to abandon it for something more arduous becomes nigh unbearable. Still, she has too much discipline to deviate from her usual training to such an extent.

Gripping two dumbbells after being done with it feels good though. The strain in her muscles every time she lifts them feels liberating. She is almost loath to abandon the exercise, feeling a childish urge to keep going until she can't anymore, but she has to remind herself again that abandoning her strict workout plan is counterproductive. She has already strayed far enough from it by skipping her half a mile run.

Squatting while holding a sandbag isn't as satisfying as lifting the dumbbells, but it's strenuous enough to not feel like she's wasting her time. Soon, though, it feels like she is doing too little. She wants more, wants to feel so hot that she feels like she's burning, wants her heart to beat so fast it feels like it's going to kill her.

When she's done with the squatting, she focuses on one of the boxing sandbags instead. Strictly speaking, this isn't part of her workout, but right now she feels like hitting something.

Instead of decreasing her violent impulses, it feels as though every time she hits the sandbag and watches it swaying back and forth she has to get even more brutal. Soon she hears her own ragged breathing, even though it's unusual for her to make a sound during her workouts no matter how energy consuming it is.

It doesn't matter. She punches, and hits, and jabs, and-

Suddenly someone grabs her by the arm. She lashes out on instinct, twisting her body around to throw a punch at her assailant.

She realizes too late that it's one of her classmates -- fortunately the girl isn't the Ultimate Martial Artist for nothing. It's close, but Oogami catches the fist before it reaches her throat, something that may very well have killed her.

"That was an impressive punch, Ikusaba. I almost did not block it." Oogami says mildly. "Are you in control now? I would like to release you."

Not trusting herself to speak and breathing heavily, Mukuro nods.

Oogami lets go of her arm and her hand. "I have called out your name numerous times, but it appears you did not hear me." She looks down at Mukuro's hands. "Your knuckles are bleeding, Ikusaba. I have some shallow first aid skills, but going to the nurse's office is a better idea. Follow me." She turns to leave.

Too shocked with her own carelessness to assure that she is perfectly capable of going on her own, Mukuro can only do as told.

On the way to the nurse's office, a sharp and painful sensation emits from her hands, and she feels ashamed of herself. She is used to pain, so that's not the thing that is bothering her. Completely losing control though... it's unlike her. And what if she damaged her hands to the point that she can't use them anytime soon? Physical strength is one of the few things Junko likes about her... except when she doesn't. But, her sister understands how useful it can be, and she might get mad if she heard about Mukuro's hands rendered useless.

She is so deep in thought, she hardly notices when they arrive in the nurse's office. She faintly hears Oogami explaining the situation to someone, the latter of who is approaching her right away.

"Ikusaba-san?" Tsumiki Mikan says her name as though she never expected to see her again. She blinks, her eyes flashing up to her forehead, and then looks down at her hands anxiously. "Pl-Please sit down."

Mukuro does, and Tsumiki gently takes both of her hands and inspects them. "Okay, so... You- You tore your skin a bit, and um... scraped your knuckles." Tsumiki explains, grabbing a piece of cloth from a nearby table. She presses them on her injuries until the bleeding stops.

Tsumiki washes Mukuro's hands with warm water, rubs them dry with another piece of cloth afterwards, then applies some kind of ointment to them. The last part stings a little, but she barely registers it. Tsumiki finishes it off by wrapping an adhesive bandage around both her hands.

"Um, please come by my room tomorrow." Tsumiki tells her. "You need to clean your wounds and change your bandages every day for a week until your skin heals."

"Thank you, Tsumiki-san," Mukuro says. "But I think I can do that by myself. I wouldn't want to trouble you further."

"No, it's my responsibility as the- the Ultimate Nurse." Tsumiki argues, and something in her tone makes Mukuro relent.

"Alright. Thank you."

"Thank you too!" Tsumiki says, then blinks. "I-I mean, um. Good."

An awkward silence follows, and Mukuro feels she has to say something else. "I can see why you're the Ultimate Nurse, Tsumiki-san. You're good at your job."

Tsumiki promptly blushes. "It- it's nothing... anyone can heal an injury l-like that."

"Maybe so," Oogami speaks up, and Mukuro almost forgot about her presence in the room. Tsumiki too, judging from the way she has just jumped. "But it is clear you know what you are doing, and you do it with efficiency." She smiles at the nurse. "It is good to know that such a competent nurse is available here, should I ever get injured myself."

Tsumiki seems to be torn on whether she should feel embarrassed or happy. "W-Well," she says, looking like someone who could use some medical treatment herself with how red her face is. "I'm- I'm actually only helping out in the afternoon on week days, but you can come by my dorm room anytime. Please do! I c-could really use the practice..." Realizing what she just said, she starts sputtering. "I-I'm not saying I'd be happy if you got injured! I just meant if you do get injured..."

"You are truly worthy of the title Ultimate Nurse." Oogami says. "You have my thanks. I will take you up on that offer if the need ever arises."

"Th-Thank you so much!" Tsumiki squeaks, then turns to Mukuro shyly. "Th-That goes for you too, Ikusaba-san." She briefly breaks eye contact to look at her forehead, like before, and Mukuro realizes it's the red marks on her temples the nurse has actually been looking at.

"I'm grateful, but I hope I won't need it." Mukuro glances down at her bandages. "I don't usually get carried away like this." She feels she has to say that for some reason.

"You could have sp-sprained your wrist." Tsumiki says, almost as if admonishing her. "I-It's no good to use your bare hands for this kind of exercise..." She adds reluctantly.

Tsumiki is probably scared that her advice would anger her, and Mukuro does feel a surge of anger. She has expertise in first aid herself, more than enough to know that hitting a sandbag with one's bare hands can damage them badly. "I know," she says, keeping the irritation out of her voice. She only has herself to blame for being so stupid, and letting it out on someone else would be pathetic. "I don't know why I did that. It won't happen again."

Tsumiki nods. "W-Well, I guess we all just want to beat up someone r-really bad sometimes..." She murmurs, followed by her eyes widening comically. "I mean- that's good! I wish you a speedy recovery!"

"Thank you." Mukuro feels she has been saying these two words a lot lately. She turns to the other girl in the room. "Thank you too, Oogami-san. For escorting me." She says, feeling a tiny twinge of resentment at being coddled like this, though it's not directed at anyone but herself.

"Think nothing of it." Oogami says, frowning. "Make sure to rest your hands, no matter how strong the urge to train with them in spite of your injuries becomes. I would hate to see a fighter of your caliber sustain a permanent injury."

She knows that, obviously. Still, Oogami is only trying to be nice so there's no point in getting defensive. "I will."

Oogami nods. She seems to hesitate. "Perhaps we can spar once your injuries are healed. The punch you threw earlier has made me curious about your strength. More curious than before, that is. I wish to see how the Ultimate Soldier fights." She says, almost sounding a little embarrassed.

"I would like that." Mukuro says. She has given the thought some consideration before, but she isn't the type to challenge people of her own accord.

"I am glad to hear it. If you excuse me now. Ikusaba. Tsumiki-san." Oogami inclines her head to her, then to Tsumiki. "I will return to my training regime."

Oogami leaves, and Mukuro is left alone with an anxious looking Tsumiki. She is a bit surprised that Oogami adressed the nurse so politely, but Mukuro supposes she feels she has to be polite to someone in the class above them. Or maybe she simply respects nurses.

"Um, Ikusaba-san? I don't mean to be- um... please take this." Tsumiki says, holding a small bottle of that antibiotic ointment she has applied to Mukuro's hands.

Mukuro looks at the bottle, feeling a bit confused, but then takes it. "Thank you, Tsumiki-san. I hope I won't get injured like this again, but I suppose it's good to have either way."

"Um... y-yes." Tsumiki's eyes dart up again, nervously. "And also... if you ever get scratched. You should disinfect them too if the scratches are too deep..."

Mukuro frowns. "If you're referring to the red marks on my temples-"

"I'm sorry!" Tsumiki squeaks. "I-I didn't mean to pry..."

"It's fine." Mukuro says, annoyed. "There is not much to say. Occasionally I scratch myself in my sleep." She lies, wondering how plausible of an excuse that is. Judging from the look on Tsumiki's face, not very.

Tsumiki avoids eye contact. "D-Do you hit yourself in the face too in your sleep...?" She asks in a quiet tone.

Mukuro resists the instinctive urge to reach up and rub her right cheek. When she was looking into the mirror before she left for the gym earlier, nothing had been visible. "I think," she says coldly, levelling a glare at the other girl. "Someone needs to mind her own business."

Tsumiki cringes, as if expecting to be hit herself. "I'm sorry!"

Something in Tsumiki's face suddenly makes her feel bad. "That was uncalled for, Tsumiki-san," she mutters. "I apologize."

The nurse swallows. "N-No, I'm sorry... I shouldn't have brought it up, b-but you were so kind yesterday... so I couldn't help but say something..."

Mukuro sighs, feeling a headache incoming. "Look," she begins. "Sometimes when I get upset at something, I need to vent in some way. Occasionally I do that by inflicting mild pain on myself. It's really not a big deal."

She doesn't enjoy lying, but telling anyone that Junko has to hit her sometimes is out of the question. They wouldn't know the context, and they would condemn her sister, wouldn't be able to understand the reality of it at all. No one would understand their relationship.

Tsumiki nods slowly, and to Mukuro's relief it looks like she believes her. "I-I understand... I won't tell anyone, I promise."

Mukuro resists the urge to thank the girl again -- frankly she is sick of doing that. "I will go to my room now, if there is nothing else."

"Nothing!" Tsumiki shakes her head frantically for emphasis. "I hope- I hope you get better soon!"

Mukuro leaves the nurse's office.

There are a few people in the hallway, some of whom are staring at her hands with open interest. It's annoying, but luckily the way to her dorm room isn't very long.

She enters her room, and barely avoids slamming it shut. She's annoyed at the glances being thrown her way, yes, but she's mostly annoyed at her own stupidity. What was she thinking, losing control like this? Humiliating herself in front of Oogami and Tsumiki...

It's Sayaka's fault, Mukuro thinks, aware of how immature it is to blame her yet unable to help it. It's because of Sayaka that she's been so upset. It's because of Sayaka that she will have to restrict her workout routine for a while. She takes out her phone and stares at it, scowling, getting the absurd urge to write something cruel to the idol.

Mukuro blinks. It looks like Sayaka replied to her text from before, and she hasn't noticed until now.

 **Sayaka-chan:** friends are there for each other mukuro-san so dont mention it! junko-chan texted me and said we'd go sometime next week so its fine. :-* btw do you wanna hang out tomorrow? im in the studio for most of the day but i should be back by 4pm. i know something that might improve your bad mood but its a surprise! :D

 **Sayaka-chan:** but dont feel pressured to agree to it ok? if you wanna hang out just talking in my room thats fine! :)

 **Sayaka-chan:** or if you wanna be alone obviously! i didnt mention that bc its obvious :P

She instantly feels her anger evaporating. In no state to respond to this now though, she goes to her bathroom to take a shower. She gets it over with quickly so she can lie down on her bed instead. Sayaka really has to make everything complicated by being so nice, doesn't she? A part of Mukuro is eager to spend time with Sayaka tomorrow, especially eager to see what the surprise is, but another part of her wants to refuse.

Maybe if she rests for a while she will have a clearer mind. Being awake right now feels exhausting as well. She sets her phone's alarm to two hours from now.

Oddly enough, despite so many things being on her mind it doesn't take long for her to fall asleep.

 

-

 

Mukuro doesn't feel refreshed when she wakes up, but she does feel a bit better, if only marginally so.

She sits up and look at her phone. It's three minutes before the alarm would wake her, and she turns it off. Then she opens Sayaka's messages again, reading through the texts a few times for no good reason.

She should probably just agree. Isn't that what Junko would want?

 **Mukuro:** That sounds nice. Just tell me where the studio is and I will be there by 4pm. Or tell me if you want to meet elsewhere.

Mukuro looks the message over again, then sends it. It should be sufficient.

She is about to put her phone away when it buzzes. It hasn't even been a minute yet. She looks at the new message.

 **Sayaka-chan:** you can pick me up! im looking forward to tomorrow. thanks so much :)

"I'm not doing this for you." Mukuro mutters, her low voice full of spite. She turns her phone off.

Well, she supposes tomorrow might be beneficial in some way. There is the chance she will learn something new about Sayaka. Something useful that Junko would like hearing about. It would be nice to get praised by her sister for doing a good job for once.

How stupid. Junko wouldn't praise her even if she did everything perfectly. For the same reason she won't say that she loves Mukuro, even though she does. It's just not how she works.

Which is fine. Mukuro loves her sister and wouldn't want to change her.

It suddenly occurs to her that she should make sure Junko knows about tomorrow. She probably wouldn't care, but she might get angry if she didn't know. Mukuro turns on her phone.

 **Mukuro:** I'm sorry to disturb you, Junko-chan, but Sayaka-san invited me to spend time with her tomorrow at 4pm. She wants to surprise me with something. I agreed. I just thought you should know.

It doesn't take long for her sister to write back.

 **The Most Beautiful Hopelessly Awe Inspiring Being In The Universe:** wow did you change your name on here? thats so lame

 **The Most Beautiful Hopelessly Awe Inspiring Being In The Universe:** did you do that bc of sayaka-chan??? laaaaaaaame

 **The Most Beautiful Hopelessly Awe Inspiring Being In The Universe:** i cant wait to hear about your date. come by my room before you go so i can put some make up on your ugly face!!!

Mukuro sighs. If doing that makes Junko happy...

She types.

 **Mukuro:** I'm sorry for changing it, but I was afraid of looking silly in front of Sayaka-san. I can change it back if you want me to. And, okay, Junko-chan. I will be there. Thank you for looking out for me.

The reply comes relatively quickly.

 **The Most Beautiful Hopelessly Awe Inspiring Being In The Universe:** no dont you dare fucking change it back. the gag got old ages ago. should have changed it earlier. dont reply to this im sick of looking at your stupid name on my phone

Mukuro turns her phone off again.

She lays down on her back again, staring up at the ceiling, not sure what to do with herself. Normally she would be cooling down from her workout right now, and maybe do her homework. She isn't in the mood for that though.

Mukuro feels a surge of irritation at herself. She has already been undisciplined once today, and she doesn't want this to be a recurring trend. She sits down at her desk and gets to work. Doing homework is annoying and tedious, but she feels a bit better about herself after she's done with it.

It is around 7pm when she's done, but the day still feels like it's going to take forever to end. So many things have happened that it feels like it has been an entire week and not just a single Friday.

Mukuro has always been struggling with spending her free time since she reunited with Junko. In Fenrir there were a lot of things to do when you weren't on a mission. Target practice, breaking her records at the training course, knife throwing, knife sharpening...

She sighs, almost wistfully. She really misses her knives. Guns are great too, but there is a beauty in feeling a phosphated carbon steel blade slice into something while she tightly grips it in her hand that firearms can't really replicate.

She has managed to smuggle a combat knife into the school -- Junko told her not to take more than one -- but in Fenrir she had an entire collection. And she has explicit orders not to remove it from its hiding place unless being told to, so she can't take it out right now. When she told Junko that the knife needs to undergo maintenance sometimes, her sister wouldn't hear it.

Well, there is no point in sulking. She should spend her time being productive instead.

Mukuro forces herself to study a little. In truth, she doesn't get much done at all, but by 9pm she has decided that it's late enough to go to sleep. Anything so this day is finally over.

Whenever her eyes close, she feels an uncomfortable feeling in her eyelids after a while and has to open them again. She spends some time staring at the ceiling, angry at herself, angry at being too incompetent to even fall asleep properly. Then she repeats the process.

It takes her nearly two hours to fall asleep.

 

-

 

There have been no nightmares this time, but it was far from a restful sleep.

Mukuro spends her Saturday morning going through motions. Showering, brushing her teeth... though she hesitates when she realizes she doesn't know what to wear today.

Occasionally Junko makes her wear some of her own clothes instead of her standard uniform -- Hope's Peak Academy doesn't really have a strict dress code, Junko just likes pushing it to the limit -- and those are just about the only colorful clothes she ever wears. She isn't sure whether she's supposed to wear colorful clothes for the meeting today though or whether her own boring clothes suffice. Maybe she could ask Junko later.

Mukuro goes to the gym not long afterwards.

"Good morning, Ikusaba." Oogami greets her like always, though she adds something. "I am pleased to see your injuries have not weakened your will to train."

"Thank you." Mukuro says, a little perplexed. "You're very dedicated yourself." She says, and although she means the words she's mostly saying them because she feels not saying anything else would be rude.

"I have to be." Oogami simply says.

Mukuro nods. If there's anything she understands, it's that.

She spends her time working out until early afternoon. After taking a quick shower, she heads over to Tsumiki's room. Like yesterday, the nurse does quick and efficient work.

"If I may a-ask... did you take your bandages off before showering?" Tsumiki asks, wrapping a clean adhesive bandage around her left hand.

"No," Mukuro answers. "I wrapped plastic bags around my hands."

Tsumiki seems bewildered. "Um... I guess some people do that. D-Did they tell you that in the mili-military?" She asks, a bit shyly.

"I wouldn't know. I never needed bandages." Mukuro answers. Not for long anyway.

"I-I see." Tsumiki says, applying the bandage to her other hand. "That's- um. That's impressive, I think... I-I'm sorry if it isn't."

"I suppose it is." Mukuro says, in a tone that makes it clear she isn't interested in pursuing this topic. Enough people in Fenrir had told her how amazing she was too often and she didn't like it then either. She is obviously aware of the fact that she is highly competent in a few certain areas, so there is no point in other people pointing it out to her.

Tsumiki takes a step back after wrapping the bandage around her fully. "We-Well, I'm done now. Thank you for your patience..."

"Thank you, Tsumiki-san." She briefly entertains the idea of suggesting that she can do it by herself and coming to the nurse's dorm room every other day is pointless, but decides against it. If that girl wants to waste her time for something trivial like that, she will let her. Mukuro turns to the door. "See you tomorrow then."

"Have a nice d-day! Bye!" Tsumiki says, suddenly seeming like she is in a good mood. Mukuro doesn't understand why.

She leaves Tsumiki's room and goes to her own. She stops in front of her room, sighing. It's probably late enough to go to her sister's room, isn't it? Well, getting that whole make-up stuff over with is probably a good thing. And she can ask her about what clothes she should wear as well.

Mukuro walks over to Junko's dorm room and rings the doorbell. She hopes she isn't too early, it might irritate her sister.

A grinning Junko opens the door. "You're early, sis," she says. "Not that I mind, we were pretty much done already." She looks over her shoulder. "Riiiiight, bowl cut?!" She asks in that sickeningly sweet voice she uses whenever she wants to deliberately annoy other people.

A boy she doesn't recognize, though judging from the uniform a student, who looks as though he is smelling something foul appears behind Junko. Bizarrely enough, he has several stuffed animals stuffed into his blazer's pockets. "You said that fifteen minutes ago, but then you kept going on." He says, obviously annoyed.

"It's so easy to lose track of time when you're having fun, isn't it?!"

"I didn't come to your room to have fun. And it wasn't fun anyway."

Junko pouts, then turns to her. "Aww, do you see how rude that guy is to me? And even after I offered him such a good deal too!"

"Hey!" The boy hisses with indignance. "Do you know what discretion means at all?"

"Oh, please!" Junko guffaws, rolling her eyes. "I could tell Mukuro-chan that I'm having you build a giant underground maze for the purpose of killing the other students and she wouldn't care at all!"

The boy glares at her, then looks at Mukuro suspiciously. "I wouldn't be surprised. Can I go now?"

Junko appears to genuinely consider the question. "How about you give me one of your plushies first? They're just sooooo cute!" She croons, then touches a stuffed pink cat peeking out of his blazer's left pocket.

He jumps away from Junko, his face flushing red. "No! They're part of my collection! Anyway, I'm leaving!" The boy storms out like a child -- and, well, he does look the part. Mukuro glances at her sister, silently asking her if she should make him stay by force, but Junko shakes her head.

"He didn't even say goodbye. How rude." Junko complains.

Mukuro enters the room and closes the door behind her. "Who was that?" She asks.

"Oh, just Someya-chan!" Junko says cheerfully as if Mukuro had any idea who she was talking about. Noticing her confused look, her sister rolls her eyes. "It's the Ultimate Architect, sis. Fun to tease! But more importantly, I'm gonna have him design some stuff."

"Were you serious about the underground maze thing?" Mukuro asks.

"Was I?" Junko asks right back. "Who knows? Well, I do, but it's a secret. Wait, no, it's not! Yeah, I was serious! He just doesn't know what it's for." She snickers.

"Sarcastic confessions are kind of risky, Junko-chan..."

"That's part of the fun, sis!" Junko chirps, then frowns. "Don't give me pointless, obvious warnings like that. They're annoying." Before Mukuro can apologize, she continues. "Anyway, the traps I'm gonna design myself for most part. I just need somewhere to put them all, which is where Someya-chan comes in."

"And he's just going to design an underground maze for you without asking any questions? He, um, didn't seem to like you very much." Mukuro argues meekly, realizing too late that Junko just told her not to make obvious warnings.

Junko, not seeming to care about that slip-up, makes a dismissive gesture. "He's one of those boring people who cares about money way too much. As soon as I told him how much I was gonna pay him, he stopped being interested in what I want the maze for. Oh, by the way, I'm paying him with all that money you made with your sweaty army numbskull friends."

Mukuro smiles. "I'm glad I can be of help, Junko-chan." She has stolen most of it for Junko's sake anyway, whether during missions or from her dead so-called comrades after the purge.

"Maybe I'll even test it out after it's done by throwing you in there. It'd be so thrilling to see if you could survive!" Junko says, excitement brimming across her entire face at the prospect. "I mean, you probably would, but it'd be entertaining anyway."

"I... suppose I wouldn't mind testing it for you." Mukuro says, not sure whether her sister is joking or not, but she's a bit happy that Junko has enough faith in her abilities to think she would survive.

"Anyway, enough about my murder maze project! Let's make you look less ugly! Sit down!"

"R-Right." Mukuro says, and obeys. She wonders what Sayaka would think later, considering she told the idol that she doesn't like wearing make-up. She supposes she could just say she hasn't felt like telling Junko about her distaste for it yet.

At least Junko is always very fast about the whole thing. When it's over, her sister holds up a mirror. It's never really that noticeable and this time isn't an exception. She does notice the eyeshadow looking a bit more pronounced than usually, and the faint traces of red on her temples are gone. So is the bruise on her right cheek.

"Can't have Sayaka-chan notice those ugly red marks." Junko comments, probably picking up on where her eyes went for a moment. "If she hasn't already."

"It looks nice, Junko-chan." Mukuro says, and she supposes it does. It's just not for her. It doesn't fit her. She feels silly wearing it.

Junko sighs. "It's really a testimony to my abilities that I can make even you look presentable, isn't it? Do you know what you're gonna wear?"

"Um, about that... I was hoping you could give me some advice."

"Didn't I tell you to start thinking independently for once?" Junko asks, but then she grins. "Well, it can't be helped. It'd be unreasonable to expect miracles from someone as inept as you, huh? Fine, let's go to your room!"

They do, and soon Mukuro's closet is empty, Junko carelessly rifling through her clothes with increasing irritation, though at least she throws them on the bed and not on the floor.

"Ugly! Boring! Ugh, what kind of brown even _is_ this?!"

Mukuro stands on the side, feeling useless. She hopes there is enough time to fold all of these clothes again before she has to leave for her meeting with Sayaka. It'd be annoying to leave her room looking so chaotic.

"You know what?" Junko throws her hands up. "You literally don't have anything vaguely acceptable in that closet, sis. Not. At. All. I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're gonna have to borrow some of _my_ clothes!"

Mukuro fidgets a little. "Are you sure, Junko-chan?" Her sister has a lot of flashy clothes, most of which she wouldn't feel comfortable wearing.

Junko notices her obvious discomfort right away, rolling her eyes. "Come on, sis. It's not like I'm gonna stuff you in a pink dress and put a blonde wig on your head. Then again..."

"Please don't." Mukuro mutters.

"Oh, fine! Let's just go back to my room." Junko huffs as she'd just been gravely insulted.

They go back to Junko's room.

Junko looks through her own closet with a lot more care than through Mukuro's. "Hey, sis. What's a color you like that isn't black, gray, or brown?"

Mukuro considers it. "Maybe... green?" In Fenrir she would sometimes wear green tactical vests, and they looked alright to her.

"Green." Junko scoffs, saying the word as if mocking the very concept of the color. "Was that your uniform when you were with your Call of Duty larper friends?"

"No." Mukuro replies, having no idea what the meaning of 'Call of Duty larper' is, but she feels it probably isn't important.

"It was probably black just like that ugly tattoo then, huh? Well, whatever. I might even have something green in here." Junko rifles around a bit more, then pulls out something.

Mukuro looks at it, relieved that it actually looks like something she wouldn't feel silly wearing. It's both dark and green. She thinks this is called navy green, maybe? "That's a nice shirt, Junko-chan." She says.

"Shirt?" Junko asks, offended. "That's a blouse, idiot! I can't believe my own sister doesn't know the difference between a blouse and a shirt."

"Um... what is the difference?"

"Google it! Speaking of, give me your phone."

Mukuro pulls out her phone and hands it over. Junko looks through it without saying anything. "Is there a reason you want my phone, Junko-chan?" She asks, feeling a bit nervous even though there is nothing bad on her phone.

Junko snorts. "You saved her name as 'Sayaka-chan', huh? That's cute. No, wait, you wouldn't do that. She did it herself, right?" Mukuro nods. "Ha, I knew it." She gives her an annoyed look. "Put the damn blouse on already! What are you waiting for?!"

Mukuro obeys and undresses while Junko looks through her phone some more. There is a bit of snickering when she pulls the green blouse over her head, though she isn't sure what the reason behind it is.

"Aren't you two just adorable with each other!" Junko exclaims, staring at the phone without hiding her interest. "I'm starting to feel bad for making you all sad and gloomy, 'cause this shit here is golden. So, like, how much did it pain you to actually send an emoticon?"

Mukuro blushes. Well, now it's obvious what Junko has been doing with her phone. "It was embarrassing, but I felt happy." She mutters.

"Well, isn't that just sickeningly cute!" Junko says, letting out a tiny squeal. Then she looks at her. "You don't look like a total disaster in that, so it'll have to do. You still need a skirt though."

"Would it be possible to wear pants instead?" Mukuro asks. It's not like she cares whether she has to wear a skirt or pants in a casual setting, although she prefers the latter, but it's too warm outside to be wearing a jacket or a blazer and she doesn't have anything else to put her phone into. Junko's skirts usually don't have pockets.

"Oh my God! I can't believe you, sis." Junko complains. Then she shrugs. "Oh well, whatever. I actually have some black jeans in there that compliment navy green."

Mukuro feels a bit proud of herself for getting the color right. "Thank you, Junko-chan."

Still looking at the phone, Junko reaches into her closet and pulls out a pair of jeans, promptly throwing them into her face.

Mukuro catches them easily. She doesn't waste any time in putting them on. She looks at herself in the mirror when she's done, while her sister is still going through her phone, and feels satisfied. She actually doesn't look that bad, at least in her own opinion. She waits until Junko is done with the phone.

Junko's eyes drift upwards, looking her over with a critical eye. "Your shoes are still so boring looking, but they'll do. If you go like this, Sayaka-chan probably won't run away screaming. Good job on looking vaguely presentable, sis!" She looks at her hands. "Well, except for those ugly ass bandages, but hey! Maybe it'll make you look tougher."

"Thank you, Junko-chan. Um, about my hands..."

"Yeah, yeah, didn't ask. Don't care! Hey, Mukuro-chan? What made you think a-" Junko interrupts herself by snickering. "That a Yahoo Answers account was in any way a good idea?"

Mukuro blinks. "Um... how do you know that?"

Junko looks at her like she's stupid. "'Cause I'm going through your browser history?" She clears her throat, and her voice becomes monotonous in what is possibly an attempt in imitating her. "'I talked to a pretty girl who is also a classmate a few times and I think I have a crush on her. My sister has tried to give me advice, but I barely understood anything. I am a girl myself and I'm very confused. We are both seventeen years old and also she grabbed my hand and we stared at each other for a bit, but I'm not sure if that was entirely romantic in nature. Please advise.'"

"I thought it sounded fine when I wrote it..." Mukuro mutters a tad defensively, but still staring at the floor in shame.

"Fine? It's hilarious." Junko throws the phone back at her. Mukuro catches it without taking her eyes off the floor. "Anyway, I have things to plan and your makeover is finished. Shoo."

"Thank you so much for your help, Junko-chan." Mukuro says. "I really appreciate it."

"You better! I just sacrificed two of my clothes for you. Now, seriously, shoo!"

Mukuro leaves her sister's room, muttering another round of thanks.

She goes back to her own room, carefully refolds all of the clothes Junko has thrown around, then sits down on her bed. Still about half an hour left.

Mukuro walks to her desk, and opens a drawer. She looks at Sayaka's walkman and headphones, both of them purple. She should probably give these back to the idol. Well, Sayaka might insist she keep them, but she has to try at least.

Mukuro thinks about that one song. She looks for it on the walkman.

 **Wish Ensemble**.

In retrospect she feels ridiculous for ever liking it. It's such a silly song. So what if it's catchy? A lot of bad songs are.

She hates that it's in her head so often, even now she can't quite keep it out of there.

She kind of feels like throwing both of the devices out of a window, but obviously she can't do that. And it wouldn't solve anything anyway.

So Mukuro silently sits on her bed, waiting. It's annoying, but what can she do? If Junko wants her to be Sayaka's friend...

Mukuro sighs, resisting the urge to rub her temples. What's the use in denying it? A rather large part of her really wants to see Sayaka too. It's incredibly childish to pretend like Junko bears sole responsibility for all of this.

It doesn't matter anyway. She can suppress her feelings just fine. There's nothing Sayaka can do to sway her.

With a slight feeling of anxiousness in her chest, Mukuro looks at the time again, hoping she hasn't tempted fate with that last thought.

* * *

 


	2. Due

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No sandbags were hurt in the making of this story.

* * *

 

It's a nice day, Mukuro supposes. A bit cloudy and windy, but she likes that kind of weather as long as it's not too cold outside. And it's pretty warm.

With her phone's GPS, Mukuro finds the studio Sayaka works at without a problem, once again surprised at actually being glad that Junko has given it to her.

Sayaka is already waiting for her, waving enthusiastically as soon as she sees her.

She waves back, trying to stop herself from staring at the other girl and not quite succeeding. Sayaka is wearing a white, kind of ruffly... oh right, this is called a ruffle top. And the pink skirt that goes beyond her knees is called a pencil skirt. She also has an expensive looking black handbag swung over her shoulder. It's something Junko would call simple yet fashionable. She supposes it's not surprising that someone like the Ultimate Idol would make something simple -- even though to Mukuro it doesn't seem simple in the least -- look this good.

"Good afternoon, Mukuro-san!" Sayaka chirps, looking her over. Her eyes seem locked to her bandages for a good while before she looks up again. "You look amazing! Not to be rude, but did Junko-chan tell you what to wear?"

"Good morning, Sayaka-san." Mukuro says, feeling as though she should get annoyed at the question, but she doesn't have it in her. She has no right to get annoyed at the truth anyway. "Yes, Junko-chan was a big help. She even let me borrow her clothes, because all my clothes were too boring or plain."

Sayaka gives her a sympathetic look. "Junko-chan is the Ultimate Fashionista, so she has really high standards. I'm sure your closet isn't that bad."

"Maybe the rest of the world just has low standards." Mukuro counters despite not having any good arguments for her case, but since Junko always says so it's probably correct.

Sure enough, Sayaka doesn't rebuke her, giggling instead. "Did I ever tell you how cute it is that you're so protective of her? Junko-chan is really lucky to have you." She glances at Mukuro's hands again.

"I injured myself during training. It's going to be healed by next week, so it's not a big deal." Mukuro explains, hoping the matter is put to rest with this. "Where exactly are we going?" She asks.

"I'm glad it's nothing serious." Sayaka says, relief palpable on her face. "And you'll see, but first, do you mind if we go to a café? I'm starving!"

"I don't mind."

"Great! There's one right over the street." Sayaka points at a sign that doesn't say café.

"That's a cake shop, Sayaka-san." Mukuro says flatly.

Sayaka pouts. "They serve coffee and tea in there, so it's a café. It's a cake café," she emphasizes the two words in a kind of self-important way. "Besides, I said I'd make you eat more sweet things, didn't I? It's my treat!"

Well, Mukuro supposes that did come up at one point. And while she has enough money to afford more cakes than she could ever eat, it's not in her nature to refuse a free meal either. "Alright then."

Sayaka seems to be someone who has a hard time deciding on stuff like that, while Mukuro decides to take the first cake she recognizes, being rather surprised there's a Sachertorte available in such a small cake shop. Eventually, Sayaka decides on a cake with a lot ot different berries on it, and they both order green tea alongside their pastries.

Eyeing her cake after sitting down at one of the tables, Sayaka makes a noise of delight. "I love chocolate cake. Can I have a bite?"

"It's Sachertorte," Mukuro corrects. "And sure."

"What's the difference?" Sayaka asks, cutting off a small piece of the cake with her fork, then dunks it into the whipped cream next to it on the plate.

"Not much." Mukuro admits. "It's just an Austrian variation of chocolate cake, with apricot jam inside."

"I see. Hm, so you just wanted to show off with your knowledge." Sayaka muses.

"I wasn't trying to do that, sorry..."

"I'm just kidding! It's a cool fact, Mukuro-san. Thanks for telling me." Sayaka says, and she does sound earnest. She puts the fork into her mouth with an odd look of concentration on her face. She chews a bit and then swallows. "This," she declares. "Is one of the Top Ten cakes I've ever eaten."

Mukuro smiles, unable to help herself. It's just too endearing. "I suppose I should call you the Ultimate Cake Expert." She can't stop herself from teasing the idol either.

Sayaka laughs, tactfully holding her hand in front of her mouth "Could you imagine that talent? It'd be so awesome. Hey, by the way!" She nudges her own plate forward. "Try some of my mixed berry cake too. It's only fair. And!" She says sharply as soon as Mukuro opens her mouth to refuse politely. "I know you were about to say no, but I'm not letting you. I insist! I'm gonna annoy you until you take a bite!"

"I can see why Asahina-san and you are such good friends." Mukuro comments dryly, but has already resigned herself to do as she is told.

"Aoi-chan is great! I'm sorry about yesterday though." Sayaka says, obviously still hung up on it, while Mukuro cuts off an incredibly small piece of the cake and puts it in her mouth. "Wow, you had to cut off the tiniest piece imagineable, didn't you? I didn't know you were so petty, Mukuro-san!"

Although Sayaka says it in a joking tone, Mukuro suddenly feels embarrassed for being so childish. At least it had the effect of ending the whole topic regarding Asahina being mad at her yesterday though. "I'm sorry," she says. "It just means there's more for you."

Sayaka seems to consider that notion, but since she doesn't do the thing where she stares upwards and slightly to the side it's probably not very serious. Well, she supposes cakes aren't a very serious topic to begin with. Probably. "Point to you. How was the cake?"

"Fine." Mukuro says. "I don't really like fruits much though."

Sayaka looks at her like she did when Mukuro admitted to never having petted a cat before. "What! Who doesn't like fruits? They're healthy! And tasty!"

"I prefer vegetables. Most of them are more healthy than fruits."

"Wow. That's the worst thing I've ever heard. Are you even human?"

Mukuro opens her mouth, already having a retort ready. "You-"

_"You're inhumane!"_

She freezes, her mind blanking out.

"Um, Mukuro-san?" Sayaka asks, puzzled. "Are you okay?"

Mukuro blinks. "What?"

"You're kinda spacing out. Is everything okay?"

Mukuro swallows. Why did she have to think about those things now of all times. "I apologize. I was just remembering a joke."

"Oh? Is this the return of the Ultimate Comedian?" Sayaka teases with a grin. "What's the joke?"

"Um." Mukuro tries to think of a joke. She heard people in Fenrir telling each other stupid jokes all of the time, but somehow hasn't managed to remember a single one. "I lied," she admits, unable to think of anything at all. "I was remembering something else."

"Oh." Sayaka frowns, and Mukuro isn't sure whether it's irritation or concern. "You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to."

Mukuro is glad it's the latter, but something about that phrasing irks her. "I know I don't have to. And I won't."

Sayaka nods, seemingly not affected by the -- admittedly mild -- hostility thrown her way just now. "We're friends, so feel free to tell me anytime though."

Mukuro supposes the polite thing would be to offer the same thing in return, but she says nothing, focusing on her cake instead. It's not in her nature to eat and drink slowly, but she makes sure to match Sayaka's slower pace. She wouldn't want to make a fool out of herself; plus, finishing everything way before the other person tends to make things awkward.

Sayaka tries to keep their conversation going, but the flat answers she receives don't give her much material to continue pursuing it. That doesn't seem to stop her from saying something every few seconds. It's probably only a tiny less awkward than sitting around in silence though. Sayaka's phone buzzes two times during that, which she ignores, but judging from the change of expression on her face it seems to bother her.

It doesn't take long for them to finish. Sayaka pays just like she said, and they finally exit the cake shop/café.

"That was good." Sayaka says. "I don't go here often enough! Maybe we should do this every Saturday."

"Are you paying every time?" Mukuro asks. She feels a bit bad for having been so curt in the last few minutes -- it's not like Sayaka is to blame for her silly mood swing -- so she does her best to make it sound like friendly teasing.

"You wish! Next time you're the one paying." Sayaka says, smiling, and Mukuro supposes that counts as a success. Sayaka's phone buzzes again and she pulls it out, looking annoyed. "Geez, they just can't stop bugging me. Sorry, Mukuro-san. It's the girls from my idol group."

"You can text them if you want," Mukuro says in what she hopes is a mild tone. She's not sure why she has to force herself to sound like it, considering she means what she says. "It doesn't bother me."

"That'd be rude of me! Anyway," Sayaka exhales the word like a sigh. "They know we're on a date so they keep badgering me about the whole thing. It's not worth responding to."

Mukuro feels something warm inside her when hearing the word, but date can refer to both platonic or romantic meetings and she refuses to be affected by it. "I see," she says, not sure what else there is to say, but leaving it at just that would be awkward. "I'm surprised Junko-chan hasn't sent me a message yet. She was adamant about making me look presentable, since I don't really go out much."

Mukuro can feel her face heating up slightly, being a little self-conscious at having rambled about that, but seeing as Sayaka has a smile on her face again she supposes it wasn't that bad. "Junko-chan doesn't have to be worried about that. You're pretty -- and dark green really suits you!"

Despite her reluctance to smile at the other girl, it's impossible not to upon hearing something like that, but at least Mukuro manages to make it a small one. "Thank you," she says, trying to make herself sound casual. "It's navy green." She can't help but mention that, still a bit proud that she got it right before, but Sayaka pouts in response.

"You really _are_ trying to show off with your knowledge!"

"No, I was just-"

"Just kidding!"

Mukuro glowers, hoping she isn't pouting herself right now. "Weren't we supposed to go somewhere?" She asks.

"Right!" Sayaka giggles. "Sorry, Mukuro-san. I get distracted easily sometimes. Come on, it's up the hill!" She points at a fairly steep street nearby.

Chatting with each other, although it's mostly Sayaka who does the talking, they walk up the street, and refreshingly Mukuro doesn't really have to force herself to slow down to match Sayaka's pace; they both have about the same speed. Junko's pace on the other hand... it's like her mood, changing seemingly at random without any indication that it will.

The subject of clothes comes up again, and apparently there isn't a big distinction between a shirt and a blouse. Then again, Junko is the Ultimate Fashionista so Sayaka might just be mistaken. As a general rule, blouses are supposedly loose and worn by women. "It's basically a dress shirt for women." Sayaka says.

"So if a woman wears a dress shirt, it's automatically called a blouse?" Mukuro asks, bewildered.

"No, it's more like um... there is some kind of difference between a blouse and a dress shirt. I'm not sure what it is though." Sayaka replies.

"I see..."

"No, you don't!" Sayaka admonishes, giggling. "And neither do I, really. Don't tell Junko-chan I said that, but I don't think the fashion industry makes a lot of sense."

"I bet Junko-chan could explain it though, and then it would make perfect sense." Mukuro argues, feeling the need to defend her sister's passion. That's the right word for it, she believes. Junko's love for fashion is one of the few things she is consistent about.

"I guess that's true." Sayaka concedes. "Junko-chan is smart and really eloquent."

"She is." Mukuro is always glad to hear her sister getting praised by others, much as it's not necessary considering her being incredible is just an obvious fact. "Her manager is basically just a manager in name only. And ever since Junko-chan started being her own boss she has become even more successful. It's really amazing." She gushes. Junko does listen to her manager whenever she feels like it, but it's mostly when she already decided on doing the same thing that they were going to propose anyway.

"I should ask Junko-chan for some advice!" Sayaka says, and it isn't obvious whether she is kidding around or not. "We're almost there, Mukuro-san. Just up that pathway there."

They've been ascending for a while, and Mukuro is starting to suspect Sayaka is going to show her how part of the city looks from up high. It would look nice, she supposes. Not that she's ever been very eager to look at the environment around her just to appreciate how pretty it is. It's usually just to discern where the enemy may be hiding mines, snipers, or where a good place to ambush a convoy might be... things like that. She is in a boring and unthreatening city right now though, not enemy territory, so it's silly to think like that.

When they arrive at the top, Mukuro realizes she's been only half right. The view is nice, yes, but the thing she's supposed to look at is probably the flower garden.

"I come here sometimes to relax after a hard day at the studio." Sayaka explains. "On Wednesday when we sat by the roof garden I was reminded of it. It made me really want to show this to you. I've been looking forward to it, to be honest." She admits in an unusually reserved manner, looking at Mukuro in the same shy way too. Sayaka is probably hoping for her face to light up or some other positive response.

How easy it would be to destroy that hope merely by giving a lukewarm comment on the garden.

And wouldn't Junko love it? Wouldn't Junko for once be proud of her if she did that and told her about it later? What does feeling some small, pointless amount of guilt matter compared to that?

Mukuro opens her mouth to hurt her friend's feelings, but stops when she sees something out of the corner of her eyes. Noticing where her eyes went just now, Sayaka smiles. "I'm glad the dandelions are blooming already. Ever since you told me that story, I've been hoping they would bloom by the time I showed you the garden."

Sayaka walks towards them, turns to a nearby bench to put her handbag onto it first, then carefully plucks one of them out. Its stem is partly severed and causes it to hang down the side awkwardly. She holds it out to Mukuro, fingers pressing onto the damaged part in an attempt to fix it temporarily. "Sayaka-san...?" She can only question in a quiet tone.

"I feel bad for plucking a flower from here, but they'd remove it if it was damaged anyway. Blow on it, make a wish!" Sayaka urges.

Mukuro stares at the dandelion. She blows on it, almost on instinct, causing at least half of the seeds to scatter in the wind.

Sayaka watches the scene with a serene expression on her face. "I'm not supposed to ask what you wished for, right?" She asks.

"Yes." Mukuro is glad that she can give a short response. She's afraid she wouldn't be able to keep her voice steady enough right now to talk coherently.

"Whatever it is, I hope it comes true." Sayaka says, then blows on the dandelion herself, and as a result the remaining seeds are gone in a flash. She winks at Mukuro. "My wish is a secret too."

"I hope your wish comes true." Mukuro mumbles, not willing to tell Sayaka that she didn't wish for anything.

"Yeah." Sayaka gives her an odd, faraway look. "So do I."

The mood is starting to feel strange, makes Mukuro's heartbeat increase drastically. "Well," she begins. "Thank you for not reading my mind to find out my wish."

It's supposed to lighten the mood, but Sayaka just looks confused. "Huh?"

Mukuro feels her ears burning. "Um... because you're psychic?"

"Oh!" Sayaka giggles. "You remember that!"

"It hasn't even been a week, Sayaka-san."

"It just feels like it's been a lot longer." Sayaka argues. "Y'know, some psychics can also make it so others can read their own thoughts." She crosses her index and middle fingers on both hands and presses them on her temples. "Can you hear what I'm thinking?"

"No. I think you aren't trying hard enough." Mukuro says, deciding to play along.

"It works better if you close your eyes!"

Mukuro does, then tries to make a guess. "Are you thinking of what cake to eat next Saturday?"

"Nope! Concentrate harder!"

"Cats?"

"Cats are always on my mind, but nope!" Sayaka's voice sounds a bit closer than before.

"Is it... maybe..." Mukuro racks her brain, trying to think of something plausible.

"Yeah?" The voice voice is low enough to sound like a whisper, now so close that Mukuro can almost feel the words being breathed on her face. Her eyes shoot open and she stumbles back on instinct, tripping over her feet in the process. "Mukuro-san!" Before she falls on the ground though, Sayaka's right hand shoots out and pulls her up, steadying her, though Sayaka nearly falls down herself because of that.

"Thank you." Mukuro mumbles when they're both standing up straight again. She notices her bandages have become a bit loose, and she fixes them right away.

"I'm so sorry for startling you!"

Mukuro feels her face heat up, but only with shame this time. The Ultimate Soldier is not supposed to be this clumsy. "It's fine," she mutters. "It was just a reflex. Not your fault." She looks at the other girl, suddenly feeling suspicious. "I'm not sure what you were doing though."

"Um..." Sayaka looks like she's just been accused of murder. "Just a silly prank, Mukuro-san..."

Mukuro decides to make an attempt to lighten the mood. "You weren't trying to push me off the hill, right?"

"Wh-What?!"

Mukuro blinks at the outburst. "I was just making a joke, Sayaka-san." She says carefully.

"Right, yeah. Of course!" Sayaka forces a laugh. For a moment Mukuro suspects her joke was actually accurate, but she doesn't think so. There's definitely something Sayaka is hiding though.

The silence that follows feels awkward, and Sayaka doesn't look like she's going to be the one to break them out of it. Mukuro looks the garden over. "It's um... too bad there aren't any mallows here."

"Huh?"

"They're your favorite flowers...?"

"Oh!" Sayaka's face lights up. "You remember that too! It's fine, I love all kinds of flowers."

"It's a very nice garden, Sayaka-san." Mukuro says, attempting to smile. "Thank you for showing it to me."

Sayaka smiles back at her. "You're welcome. I'm really glad you like it." She puts her left hand on her hip and flips back her hair with her right one. "So, did I totally improve your bad mood or what?"

"I suppose you did." Mukuro says, suppressing a laugh at the ridiculous gesture.

"Come on, let's sit down."

They sit down on a nearby bench, on the one right in front of the dandelions. It's windy, but not enough to blow their seeds away, though a few seeds do come loose whenever there's a more powerful gust of wind.

"Hey, before I forget, I've brought some juice to make up for Thursday." Sayaka says. "Friday will have to wait though."

"What flavor?" Mukuro asks, fondly watching the dandelions sway in the wind just a tiny little.

"Watermelon!" Sayaka pulls out two cans from her handbag, then holds one out to Mukuro.

Mukuro looks away from the flowers to give Sayaka a dubious look, taking the can offered to her. "Watermelon juice? I've been to at least thirty different nations and never heard of watermelon juice in a can before."

"I have connections." Sayaka says mysteriously. "I know some really secret vending machines. They'd kill me if I told anyone about them though."

Mukuro cracks open her can and takes a sip. "I see," she says. "They would kill you by making you drink more of this."

"Woah, is it that bad?" Sayaka asks, barely able to contain her excitement. She opens her own can and drinks from it, her face immediately scrunching up. "Oh, ewwwww. This really is disgusting." She gulps down more of it.

Mukuro watches in mild disbelief. "I've told you how strange that is, haven't I?"

"Mhmm." Sayaka makes an odd sound, her mouth presumably full, probably an affirmation of some kind. She swallows, shuddering. "So gross."

"You can have mine if you promise not to drink it in under ten seconds."

"Deal!" Sayaka snatches the can out of her hand, then takes a ridiculously tiny sip. "Is this acceptable, Mukuro-san?"

"Yes." Mukuro says, trying not to sound bemused and probably not succeeding.

She closes her eyes, feeling content for the first time since Thursday's lunch break. It's objectively not a long period of time, but that's how it has felt like.

She wants to sigh, but doesn't want to be questioned on it, which is why she doesn't.

Her lackluster attempts to act more frosty and decrease her affection for Sayaka aren't working. With how Mukuro has been acting no one would be able to guess she was planning to sabotage her relationship with Sayaka a bit today... that's because she has been doing a terrible job so far. The goal is to at least make their relationship feel less... constricting. She isn't sure how to put it. It doesn't matter anyway, since it isn't working, not at all. She has tried being a bit more blunt and mean, but those attempts were inefficient and fell flat quickly.

She has just really missed spending time with Sayaka like this, and it hasn't even been two days. How pathetic. That makes her think of something though. She reaches into her pockets, pulling out a purple walkman with matching headphones.

"I never got around to giving these back to you, Sayaka-san. Here." Mukuro says, holding them out for Sayaka to take.

Having just finished her hopefully last bit of watermelon juice, Sayaka gives the devices a curious glance. "Oh! You can keep them, Mukuro-san. I have a lot of these things, so it's alright. Thanks for being so considerate though!"

Mukuro doesn't think giving back something that doesn't belong to her is all that considerate, but nods. She's expected this response anyway. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it! Hey, kind of a sudden topic change, but," Sayaka looks at her with an unreadable expression. "Are you wearing make-up?"

Right. Mukuro has been expecting this question sooner, honestly. "Yes," she says. "I haven't had the heart to tell Junko-chan yet. And it's only a little, so it doesn't bother me much."

"I could tell Junko-chan if you don't mind."

"It's fine. I can do it myself." Mukuro brushes her off, finding Sayaka's offer a bit strange.

"If you're sure..." Sayaka sighs. "Well, Junko-chan's done a great job as always. You can't even see the red spots anymore."

She does an awful job at sounding casual about it. Mukuro frowns. So the make-up question was purely rhetorical. "If you want to know about them, just ask me directly."

Sayaka's face falls at the cold tone being directed at her. "I'm really sorry, Mukuro-san," she murmurs. "You're right, I should've asked directly. I was worried when I saw them yesterday, but then there wasn't a good time to bring it up."

"It's fine." Mukuro wonders if the lie that failed to convince Tsumiki isn't going to work here either. Unlike her, Sayaka hasn't seen the bruise on her right cheek though, and she isn't a nurse. "I scratch myself in my sleep sometimes." She says.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Sayaka mumbles, appearing to believe her. It's kind of odd she's so willing to take this at face value, isn't it?

Why would it be? After their conversation on Thursday she probably expects them to tell the truth to each other.

Mukuro feels slightly nauseous. What a terrible person she is.

But still, there is a weird look of understanding in Sayaka's face. Almost as if she scratches herself in her sleep too. The thought alarms Mukuro.

"Do you do that too?" Mukuro feels she is obligated to ask that question.

She is relieved when Sayaka's face morphes into confusion. "No, I just thought- nevermind."

"You thought what?" Mukuro asks, now confused herself.

"Um," Sayaka seems really hesitant to talk about whatever is on her mind. "I figured... with your history. You probably have nightmares sometimes, so..."

"Oh." Mukuro says, understanding it now. "Well, I probably do have them. It would explain the marks. I barely ever remember having any though." She lies further and further, feeling disgusted with herself at how easy it is.

"I'm sorry, Mukuro-san." Sayaka says, sounding absolutely miserable. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's fine. I'm glad you're worried about me, Sayaka-san." Mukuro assures, and a part of her is glad. Another part though...

"I even thought you asked Junko-chan to hide the marks," Sayaka continues. "But you wouldn't do that and I should've realized it. I'm really sorry for thinking you would, Mukuro-san."

"It's fine." Mukuro repeats, uncomfortable with how much Sayaka seems to beat herself up over this, but the other girl still doesn't appear to be done with her tirade.

"Even if you did ask Junko-chan to hide them, you'd only do it because you wouldn't want me to worry. And..." Sayaka finally trails off, then giggles nervously. "I'm kinda rambling, aren't I? Sorry."

"Thank you for being worried." Mukuro says, and this time it only comes out in a halfway mumbled way.

"Thanks for not thinking I'm a weirdo." Sayaka jokes.

Mukuro smiles slightly. "I don't recall saying that."

Sayaka gasps. "You're terrible."

"Watermelon juice."

"That's not fair! I can't argue that!"

Sayaka laughs, and Mukuro can't help but join in a bit too.

"Y'know, it's weird," Sayaka says. "We spent lunch together on Thursday, but I've really missed hanging out with you." She suddenly looks embarrassed. "Gosh, I probably sound like a weirdo saying that."

"No," Mukuro is quick to assure her. "I feel the same."

Sayaka giggles. "Maybe we're just both weirdos."

"Probably." Mukuro agrees. Teenage girls with knife collections would probably be seen as weird. Not to mention all that other... stuff.

She isn't sure how much time passes during their conversation, but it doesn't feel longer than their usual two hours. Shorter, in fact, though not by much.

Sayaka's fellow idol members bug her a few times, but she soon turns the phone off to avoid dealing with them. She talks a bit about them, and it's obvious that she is very fond of them in spite of her annoyance. She wants Mukuro to meet them too, and it seems important to her for everyone to get along with each other, which is understandable.

Junko is quiet, on the other hand. Not a single message from her; and even though this is not unusual, Mukuro finds herself worrying about it.

But like pretty much every time they speak, it feels like it's over way too fast.

"Geez, I can't believe it's already over 6pm." Sayaka complains, more or less echoing her thoughts. "Let's watch the sunset together."

Sayaka leads her to a better spot on the hill where they can overlook a good chunk of the city. They stand next to each other, watching the orange tint in the sky slowly disappear.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

It kind of sounds more like a statement rather than a question, but Mukuro answers nonetheless. "Yes." She says, having no real feelings one way or the other on sunsets, but she supposes it does look nice. Junko enjoys looking at sunsets for some reason.

She hears a sigh next to her, then freezes when she feels Sayaka's head on her shoulder all of a sudden. "Sorry, Mukuro-san," she says, not sounding sorry in the least. "I'm kinda tired."

"It's fine." Mukuro forces herself to relax, taking some small comfort in the fact that the other girl is only a little bit smaller than her, so their position could be a lot more awkward... but immediately tenses up again when Sayaka starts clinging to her arm. "Sayaka-san?" She's glad it only _kind_ of comes out like a squeak.

"You're comfy." Sayaka says as if that explained everything. "Should I let go?" Her voice has a strange undercurrent to it, one that almost seems to take sadistic pleasure in embarrassing Mukuro. It would explain a lot, really.

"It's fine." Mukuro forces the words past her lips, idly wondering when they appear to have become her catch phrase.

"Imagine if anyone saw us right now." Sayaka says, and Mukuro can practically hear the smile that is undoubtedly on her face. "They'd assume we were a couple."

Still staring straight ahead at the sunset, Mukuro is really glad she has enough control over her body not to start shaking uncontrollably right now. Less control over her vocal cords though. She opens her mouth to say something, though what exactly she is not sure, but no words come out, just an odd, strangled sound from her throat.

"You'd make a good girlfriend, Mukuro-san. Do you think I would too?"

"Y-..." It suddenly feels like there is a lot of saliva in her mouth. Mukuro swallows. "Yes..."

"I'm happy to hear that." Sayaka starts clinging to her even harder than before. "Hey, Mukuro-san..."

Still unable to look at Sayaka, Mukuro is starting to consider shoving her away and jumping off the hill. "Yes?" She nearly croaks.

But there is only silence. The orange tint in the sky is gone too.

Then it's broken when Sayaka lets out her girlish giggle. "Sorry, lost my train of thought. Come on, let's go back home."

That's an odd way to call school, but Mukuro is just glad she can breathe easily again. "Okay."

They walk past the flower garden, down the hill's pathway and the steep street, past the cake shop/café and the studio, Sayaka chattering away all the while. Mukuro herself doesn't have much to say -- isn't really capable of doing so anyway, at least not at first.

It's dark when they arrive at school.

"It's been eighty four years!" Sayaka exclaims upon seeing her dorm room.

If that's a reference to something, Mukuro isn't aware of the source. "You must really like your room." She says.

"I actually do! I'm gonna like it even more when I finally get that permission to brew my own tea in there, like Celes-san." Sayaka sighs. "Still no luck with that, I'm afraid."

"I suppose Ludenberg-san must have stolen all your good luck." Mukuro muses. "She probably stole Naegi-kun's at the entrance ceremony."

Sayaka laughs. "That'd explain a lot!"

Licking her lips, Mukuro hopes she can keep herself from sounding incoherent for this next part. "Hey, Sayaka-san. Thank you for inviting me today. It made me feel better." She stops herself from saying more, even though she was planning on a _lot_ more -- it's best to keep things simple.

Sayaka beams. "I'm really glad you feel better! Let's go out again next Saturday, okay?"

"If you have time..."

"Yep! I sure do!"

Mukuro nods, trying her best to force her lips not to curl up. "Okay."

Sayaka opens her door, then whirls around to throw her arms around her.

Feeling herself go rigid for a split second, Mukuro forces the tension out of her body. Before she can make an attempt to return the embrace though, Sayaka pulls back. "Sorry," she mutters in an apologetic tone. "I just felt like hugging you."

"It's fine."

"No." Sayaka says, looking at her with narrowed eyes. "It's not. I thought I was just imagining it, but you're always tensing up when I touch you. From now on I'm gonna ask. I should've done that to begin with, really. I'm sorry, Mukuro-san."

"It's..." Mukuro looks into Sayaka's blue eyes, and something in them causes her to close her mouth. "Thank you," she says instead of giving a fake reassurance. "I appreciate it."

An expression of relief crosses Sayaka's face. "Don't mention it." She pauses. "Can I hug you again?"

"Okay..."

Sayaka embraces her again, and this time she manages to return it. Sayaka's face has gained a bit of color when they both pull back, but then so has Mukuro's -- and in her case it's probably more than just a little.

"Bye bye." Sayaka chirps.

"Goodbye." Mukuro says.

They both look at each other for a while, and somehow it doesn't even feel that awkward, before Sayaka closes the door, still with a smile on her face.

Mukuro feels simultaneously disappointed and relieved that it's over.

She goes back to her own room.

 

-

 

Their meeting is on Mukuro's mind the entire time. During her shower when she washes the make-up off her face, while she brushes her teeth, when she dresses into her nightwear all that's on her mind is Sayaka.

Mukuro lays down on her bed, checking her phone.

Still nothing from Junko. She types out a message.

 **Mukuro:** I just came back from my meeting with Sayaka-san half an hour ago. We had a lot of fun. I will tell you the details later if you want to hear them, Junko-chan.

She regrets the second sentence as soon as she sends it, but it's too late to change. She takes out Sayaka's walkman and and the headphones. She glances at them, then puts them on her pillow.

Mukuro sighs, sitting back up. She waits, but not for Junko's reply.

Minutes pass. Still, she waits.

It's starting to become annoying.

Mukuro stares at her ceiling, feeling frustrated.

Where is the guilt?

It's going to come sooner or later. She knows that.

So is that it then? Is that her life from now on? Carelessly enjoying herself with Sayaka and then spending the rest of her time wallowing in misery at how selfish and awful she is? Is there really a point to it? Wouldn't it-

Mukuro's phone buzzes, interrupting her thoughts. She looks at it.

 **Sayaka-chan:** i almost forgot to tell you mukuro-san, but im really looking forward to lunch break on monday! aoi-chan insisted on coming along so i hope that doesnt bother you!!!

Mukuro types out her reply quickly.

 **Mukuro:** I'm looking forward to it too, Sayaka-san. It's fine, Asahina-san is your friend. You can bring whoever you want.

She isn't exactly looking forward to spend another lunch break with Asahina, but as long as Sayaka is there too it should be fine. It's not like it really matters to her anyway.

Asahina...

Mukuro wonders how long it would take for her to die in Junko's game.

She forces the thought away. It's not appropriate to think like this about one of Sayaka's friends.

But isn't it alright? It's not like not thinking it would change anything.

Mukuro feels a headache forming, and she glares at her phone. Feeling bad for thinking of someone's death isn't normal for her, not at all, and it's Sayaka's fault that she's becoming so... so... weak. If she can't stop herself from feeling guilty because of Sayaka, she should at least not extend it to her friends.

She hesitates. Would she feel bad if, say, Naegi died? Or Tsumiki? Or Oogami? They've all been kind to her... but it's ridiculous. Tsumiki and Oogami aren't even her friends, just some people who helped her out of pity.

It's true she has no desire to see them die, but then she barely ever has a real desire to kill anyone for the sake of, well, _killing_ them. It's not particularly the act itself she enjoys, though she doesn't mind it... well, it's not really important. The bottom line is she may not really enjoy the act of taking someone's life, but she never feels bad for doing it either.

Mukuro sighs. She grabs the purple walkman and the matching headphones.

She listens to **Wish Ensemble** , and sure enough it sounds amazing to her in spite of having changed her opinion on it just recently.

She supposes she can't put much stock in her own thoughts anymore.

Mukuro listens to her favorite song again, this time louder. It's never quite loud enough to block out her thoughts, but it's loud enough to reduce them to faint whispers.

She smiles, thinking back to the warmth of Sayaka's head on her shoulder, the warmth of their closeness.

She would make a good girlfriend, huh? Doubtful. She wouldn't mind being Sayaka's though.

And it looks as though Sayaka seems to feel the same. Mukuro isn't stupid enough not to notice the signs... but what can she do? Being girlfriends is impossible.

She wants to be selfish... she does... but this is crossing a line.

However, there is no rule against imagining it.

Mukuro closes her eyes, Sayaka's song enveloping her. She imagines kissing her up by that flower garden, among the dandelions.

She can feel her cheeks burning at the thought, so she imagines it again. And again. And again.

She giggles, a sound she would be extremely embarrassed for if anyone heard it. Right now it feels nice though, with no one else around.

Mukuro looks at her phone. Still no reply.

She turns it off.

* * *

 


End file.
